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I heard someone from the main stream media (MSM) say the other day that if Al Gore would just say, “uncle” with regard to his global warming theory, the snow would stop burying the nation’s capitol. I laughed aloud when I heard that! Many cities in the eastern U.S. have now received their highest seasonal snowfall totals ever! The timing couldn’t be more ironic with the opening of the government’s new global warming/climate change building…which had to cancel it’s grand opening because of the blizzard!
The money-grabbers, er, Global Warming Experts must be shaking their fists at the sky and asking who ordered this new ice age!
Now, I am just as ambitious as the next guy or gal, so I have begun to plan a stategy that could net me billions of dollars! My idea is to begin promoting the theory of a new Global Cooling Trend that, if not reversed by a world-wide committment to building bar-be-cue/firepits in every backyard, could mean the end to life as we know it! Of course, I will need billions of dollars from the UN and billions more from the world’s LEAST developed countries who do not produce enough greenhouse gases to help heat the Earth and keep us comfortable.
And if I don’t start receiving this money soon? Well, the polar ice caps will grow, the oceans will shrink back and ruin our world’s greatest vacation spots, and, fur-bearing animals will become endangered species as coat and hat manufacturers hunt them down to keep up with world demand for warm, winter outerwear.
Therefore, I will produce slick movies, books, posters and school curriculum, tee-shirts, wrist bands and caps all promoting the need to increase industrialization that emphasizes the release of CO2 to insulate the Earth and retain residual heat. A side effect of this increased CO2 production will be re-forestation around the globe…but I guess we can live with a few more plants and trees.
Watch for my clever TV ads featuring hollywood stars who will promote this fight against the coming killer Global Cooling Event (GCE). They will guilt you into making lifestyle changes like adding a burning barrel to your yard, buying a bigger gas grill, and letting your giant SUV idle in the driveway for fifty-minutes rather than just five. YOU MUST HELP ME SAVE THE PLANET! I am not some kook! This is pure science! It is true!
ONLY YOUR MONEY can save the Earth. Lots and lots of money!!! What’s that? Oh, sure, I take credit cards…and if you send your contribution before midnight tonight, I’ll send you a pair of wool socks–free!
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